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Talk:Watch Out Now/@comment-3575890-20150413211716
TRIGGER WARNING: rape culture I've had rape culture drilled into my head since as long as I can remember. I just never bought into that bullshit because it never made a lick of sense to me. Why the hell should it be my responsibility to prevent these beasts from assaulting me? Why the hell should I have to modify my behavior, censor my personal style, and plan my daily life around not being subjected to a violent crime? Now I do think it is important that girls are taught to be proactive about protecting themselves because the thing is, there are pieces of shit out there that should they ever cross paths with, wouldn't hesitate to hurt them. But here's an idea! Instead of teaching women to base their lives around decreasing the chance of encountering rapists at the expense of their quality of life, (which is SUCH BULLSHIT. Rapists aren't just in fucking dark alleys, parties, clubs, bars, etc. No matter what moron tells you rape is preventable, they're wrong. The majority of rapes actually occur in one's own home at the hand of somebody they KNOW) how about we teach them how to fucking physically defend themselves? How about we equip them with self defence classes, knowledge of things they can do to protect themselves in higher risk settings instead of being taught to avoid them entirely? How about we teach them how they can protect themselves and STILL have a good fucking time? How about we teach them that if something does happen to them, it isn't their fucking fault? My mother would always tell me that I needed to be 'careful', that if I dressed like that, bad men might hurt me, since I was as young as 14. It's really fucking unsettling when you can't even leave your house in a halter dress without your mother straight up saying to you, "you're going to get attacked in that." Fast forward to the present, and she still sometimes comes out with bullshit like this though she normally now avoids having this discussion with me because I call her out on it every single time. Obviously she doesn't fuss about it nearly to the degree that she used to given that I am a grown adult, but I can sense her apprehension every time I go off on a date or go out clubbing. It's so annoying when I have to constantly be reminded that I have a target on my back. I KNOW THIS. But for as long as I am a female, I am always going to be a walking target for a violent crime. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing, where I am, what time of the day it is, what I do, what I don't do - I am always at risk. I'm not going to let that rule my life. I won't walk into a high risk setting blind, but I won't keep myself from having a good time either. I'd rather leave for a night out with the mindset that I'm going to have a good time. Not the mindset that something could happen to me. I KNOW THIS. I always know this. I don't ever need to be reminded. Literally this is at the back of my mind every second of my life. I know not to leave my drink unattended, I know not to accept opened drinks from men, I know not to go off to the bathroom alone, I know not to go anywhere alone with any man I've just met, I know not to walk back alone, I know not to share cabs with men I've met there, I know when to stop drinking before I black out - it's bullshit that when I just want to have a good time, I have to live by a set of rules that men don't typically need to worry about, but it is what it is. I am a very conscientious person and contrary to that I like to let loose and have a good time, I never let my guard down. Ever. I can sense when I am in potential danger and I know what to do to avoid falling into typically dangerous predicaments WITHOUT, you know, completely allowing my self preservation instincts to suck all the fun out of my life. I think it's fucking bullshit that I can't go anywhere alone without having to consider the possibility that I might not come back unscathed or alive. When you think about it, it sounds actually insane, but it's the sad reality. I don't live in a fantasy world where I can go wherever I want at any time of the day without being at risk of anything happening to me. Just because I believe women should be able to walk the streets in the dead of the night wearing nothing, doesn't mean I think I could realistically do this without anything happening to me because the fact of the matter is I know not to walk anywhere alone at night. It's not fucking safe, and harmful attitudes derived from rape culture such as the ones my mom has forced on me from the moment I grew breasts has a lot to do with it. If we are told to just accept this is how things are - this is how men are - and keep enabling their heinous actions by shifting the responsibility from the rapist onto the rape victim nothing is ever going to change. Why wouldn't it when men are basically given a fucking free pass to hurt us? For as long as rape culture thrives, the streets will never be safe for me to walk at night, and this infuriates me.